Self-care isn’t just for grown-ups, it helps kids grow-up to be resilient!

How do we teach kids to parent themselves and why is it important?

Why is it important to teach kids self-care? Short answer? Teaching children self-care is another way of saying that we are preparing kids to grow-up and become  parents to themselves. How they learn self-care as a child will impact what kind of “parent” they will become for themselves which will impact their entire adult lives.

Longer answer? 

What are we thinking about when we raise children? Too many things! A primary subtext in the daily caring for our kids is thinking about, or even worrying about, their futures. Typically, caregivers/parents wonder how their children will do in school and if they will make friends. When forecasting even further into the future, parents/caregivers fret and muse about their kids’ potential careers, how they will earn a living, where they will live, or if they will partner, or even have children of their own. 

An even deeper and serious concern, however, is rarely talked about:  We worry if our child will be able to take care of themselves when they are older and on their own. This predestined situation, though, is exactly what we are preparing our kids for everyday, intentionally or not. If we stop and think about it, we want our kids to grow up and become good parents to themselves.

Many of us didn’t have optimal or even good enough parenting when we were children and even if you had a great upbringing, parenting is hard and complicated!

It might seem surprising, but during early childhood, kids are already learning how to parent themselves. Both how we model self-care and how we directly care for children are integral ingredients in how children learn; everyone who cares for them is their teacher, whether they know it or not.

The universal job of parenting is to raise future adults. Since being a grown-up means being able to parent oneself, it is naturally of primary importance that children learn how to take care of themselves. There are so many benefits for children learning this well, like increasing resiliency to life’s challenges, and protecting and managing physical and mental health throughout their entire lives.

And the better we self-parent, the closer we can get to our thriving potentials!

Fortunately, parenting ourselves forms the foundation for a powerful pattern: If your children learn the skills they will need to care well for themselves as adults, then if they care for others they will pass that on to the next generation.

How do you teach whole self-care to kids? 

When facing a complex landscape of situations and concepts, maintaining your focus on your child’s future can be difficult (or even impossible!) to do sometimes! Just getting a child’s needs met in the present moment can be overwhelming enough! And, with the busy lives of parenting, it can also be hard to role model positive self care. 

That’s one reason why I wrote my book Wonderful Me!  And SongstoGrow. These tools can come in handy to help us become even better parents to both ourselves and for our children. Wonderful Me can be thought of as a creative manual on self care and growing up, designed to help you to support a child learning to become their own parent.

This first guide to taking care of yourself is designed to be read in sections, with the child and/or the caregiver choosing which ones to read in each sitting. In most situations, the text is to be read by the caregiver while the child can look at the pictures. Some sections of the book offer suggestions of activities that the caregiver can help the child to be able to do, and most sections also offer questions and prompts for reflection that could spark conversation. As a parent/caregiver, you might also consider how these themes are relevant in your experience of caring for yourself. 

Songs To Grow- Songs from this album can be listened to on their own, or songs can be chosen intentionally to reinforce particular themes of the book. Some of the songs were created to ease and accompany various caregiving routines and situations, such as preparing for bed or sleep. Other themes include Respecting self and others, making choices, finding peace, befriending yourself, and reducing screen time. 

Here are a few questions that you can take with you to consider when you are caring for a child: “How will the way I am providing care affect this child today, and tomorrow?”;  “How will the way I am providing care to this child affect how they learn to care for themselves?”, and  “What am I role modeling for kids with how I take care of myself?”

While learning about whole self-care, you might notice areas that are hard for you in caring for yourself, or that you weren’t taught, or shown in a healthy way, as a child. It is never too late- see LINK to for you. 

This topic and tips for trying to reach the ideal of teaching children self-care in live time, is covered in my book, workshops and speaker events, and you can sign your team up with this link.